There once was a bright young lad, named Uke, who jumped to conclusions more than the average ukulele. It was Easter Time, and Uke's mommy and daddy had begun planning their annual divorce. His mommy, Em, was 5'2 and something close to 25 years old. Em had always dreamed of climbing the Spire, in Dublin, but was afraid to go any higher than 6 feet off the ground. Uke believed that the Spire was home to the world's most wanted criminal gangs, such as the Al-Qaeda, Triads, the Ku Klux Klan and Fína Fáil. He was determined to, one day, scale the Spire and shoot Brian Cowen and Berite Ahern in the feet, then leave them there to die. Uke's daddy, Sir Reingington, or something along those lines, was a gentleman, not prone to ridiculous acts of violence and talks like a fancy man. With that kind of personality, you'd think that there's not much to Reing. If so, you're sadly mistaken. Reing is a man of his word. He has a ridiculous word, and is an undercover agent for MI6. You'd think he's the average Uke-Daddy. The perfect disguise.
Well, enough about Uke and his parents, it's time to get into the real story! Y'see, every year Uke's parents would have a divorce. Reing would get Em a present every time and say it was all he owned. He'd then take one half, and Em would take the other. This year, they had decided to divorce on Easter Day. And that is how the story began.
Because they were divorcing on Easter Day, Reing had decided to get an extra special present for Em. He hid the divorce papers in an Easter egg box, which he then hid for the family Easter egg hunt.
Uke had a girlfriend, named Valkyrie Cain. Uke like to call her Val. Val was hideously bipolar, and you couldn't expect what she was going to do next. That's why Uke was devastated when he found the divorce papers in his Easter egg box that he found during the Easter egg hunt. He thought they had come from Val, so he dug a hole in the ground using the rabbit-like powers he inherited from Em. Did I mention that Em was a rabbit? No, I don't think so. Well, she is. Val, being oh so bipolar, found the divorce papers lying on the ground next to the hole and thought that Uke was divorcing her. She was in an extremely cheerful mood at the time, but was now teeming with little rage-cells. She screamed into the hole, shoveled in a church-full of dirt and left Uke there to die. Then she started bawling-crying at what she had done and saved Uke. Uke then bitch-slapped her and she was extremely cheerful again. Now, to the next segment.
After Reing had heard about what happened, he apologised, and the apology was accepted, but only after he received a round of bitch-slaps from Derek Landy. Reing randomly handed Em a Golden Horse as her divorce present. Val tried to chop it in half with one of her super-duper karate chops, but it was pure gold. Being 10X more bipolar now than before, Val began laughing hysterically and crying in pain at the same time.
Uke, being so bright, decided that if you can't super-duper karate chop it, you bite it. They all started to bite the Golden horse, and ended up with bleeding gums. So Em tried to dig the Golden Horse, being a rabbit. Seeing as that hardly makes sense, she failed, too. Then Michele Obama came along and, being an expert in the study of obesity and its causes, sensed the chocolate inside the horse. She punched Val with her muscled out arms and called them all idiots. She scraped at the so called "gold" and peeled it off like an orange skin. Derek Landy kicked her in the shin and took the horse, eating it all to himself. It gave him superpowers and he flew away, off to save the world from bad guys.
THE END
Written by NotMyRealName A.K.A UkuleleTunes
